Sorrow! It is my first response. I have lived with my wife for 20 years and six months as husband/wife team. We have been partners in everything since our 50s.
I love this person very much and we have had a very happy marriage. Not perfect because none of us are perfect but I wouldn’t change much at all.
My person dying is perfect for me. And that makes it so much harder.
We depend on each other’s talents to make it through life.
So where do I go from here? That is always the next question when someone you are close to is going to die shortly.
The verdict from her cardiologist is nothing can be done but make her comfortable with meds and hopefully this might prolong her life a little bit.
The verdict from the tests are she has little heart left. It is between 15-20% of her heart muscle still functioning and the rest is gone.
She has one artery 100% clogged and one artery 50$ clogged and a back artery clear.
So when medicine fails where do you go? You ask the God of Abraham and the son of God for a miracle and so do many other Christians.
According to scripture when 3 Christians pray together mountains move.
There is a time and there is a place for everything. According to Solomon.
IF Jesus wills it. IF God wills it. IF the deities that control everything in this Universe set aside time and will it a miracle cure will heal her heart and body.
No doctor on this planet has that ability.
I have no such influence personally with any powerful being.
So I go to the Christian Faith that I believe in and hope for a miracle to occur.
It does happen. I know it happens. But also I know it is extremely rare that God and Jesus intervenes and produce a miracle.
And what do I have to offer him in return?
I wait. I hope. And if it happens that she dies at this time then I mourn my loss.
And that loss is devastating to me.
To me personally life no longer has much meaning. I will not take my life. I will not commit suicide.
No matter what happens, I vow to Love the Lord My God with all my heart and all my soul.
I will busy my life so I have no time to think.
And in ten, twenty, or even thirty years I will die a natural death or an accidental death sometime in the future.
I want no further mates because I no longer feel that any could ever live up to the memory of my wife.
So I wait and hope and possibly have a little more time with my wife.
When the time comes I will go through the motions.